Books and visceral reactions
When I finished Revolutionary Road, I was in a coffeeshop in the West Village, killing time because I was late for a yoga class and didn’t get in, but it was way too early to get to work. Reading Revolutionary Road, as a woman in a serious relationship, was a very different experience from when I banged through it in high school. The writing was still exquisite, of course, but I understood the characters in a deeper way; their hopes and aspirations of how life in Paris would make them interesting, fascinating people; the way that they boxed themselves into a corner thanks to time and choices. I related to some of that idealism. When I came to the end, I couldn’t put the book back in my purse. It scared me. It was a live thing, a record of life at its rawest and its most emotionally excruciating and the fears that we all have, as people trying to exist and find some proof of worth in that question. I felt like it was a snake, and I didn’t want its physical presence anywhere near me. I ran out of the coffeeshop and walked, briskly, to work.
Regret is a stupid, self-defeating concept, but I do have one that sticks in my mind. Last year, some high school kids were putting on a version of “Revolutionary Road: The Play.” The poster featured a boy and a girl dressed in Mad Men-wear, striking a faux wise and weary look in front of a brick wall. I do regret missing high schoolers taking on Revolutionary Road as theater. It had to have been incredible.
When I finished Desperate Characters, I started laughing. But it was a strange laugh, a sound I hadn’t made before. Deep and long and hearty. I wasn’t quite sure what was in that laughter. It wasn’t funny ha-ha. It was something different.
Needless to say, both of these books are masterpieces.
Dating Jared Leto
There was a point in time where Jared Leto was dating a whole slew of twenty something actresses, and it made no sense. He was in his has-been phase, or he was pursuing his band or whatever (and they are inexplicably big, I believe). But seeing him squiring the likes of Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan confirmed one thing: the myth of Jordan Catalano lives on. These actresses are all younger than me, and my guess is they saw My So-Called Life in a tender, vulnerable time in their lives - and getting older, and hotter, they got to actually date Jordan Catalano and live the dream. Getting the chance to date Jared Leto must’ve been, for them, a moment in time where they were Angela Chase in the boiler room.
I saw Temple Grandin last year, kind of by accident, one of those movies that you settle on when you’re at a friend’s house and they have 500 channels on cable. If Temple Grandin had been released theatrically, mark my words, Claire Danes would’ve won the Oscar for best actress. Easily. (Which in itself is funny, because I bet she and Natalie Portman have been competing for parts since they were luminous teen actresses.) The movie was good, and it felt, somewhat, like a movie that would’ve been released theatrically even five years ago, as a passion project. Was Harvey Weinstein asleep at the wheel? It’s great that HBO put it out, but it would’ve been nice for the total media saturation that you would’ve gotten with a movie. Claire Danes won awards the whole season long, fifteen years after I thought that she was the best teenage actress I had ever seen.
I suppose Glee is filling the same role for kids that My So-Called Life did for me. I saw My So-Called Life when I was in seventh grade. It was aspirational. I looked up to Angela Chase as a friend and I knew that I would be her, in some form or fashion, in the future. My best friend dyed her hair kool-aid red and it washed out in a day. I’ve been rewatching the show with my boo recently; he never saw it, and letting him in on it feels like letting him in on secret teenage me. I wonder how Glee is affecting seventh graders these days. It has to be, in some ways, a really resonant time to be a gay teenager and to see some version of your life reflected in TV these days - and that’s what I think is important about Glee, which is just spottily entertaining - but ultimately, when it comes to realistic, well-written characters that you care about, it really can’t hold much of a candle up to My So-Called Life. It’s the rare show that gets that deeply inside someone’s specific human experience. But the echoes are kind of interesting.
I wrote about post-collegiate anxiety for This Recording. Hopefully it is a little funny and maybe a little melancholy. I love the Sol Lewitt photos illustrating it - for me, seeing Sol Lewitt at Mass MoCA inspired such a visceral reaction that I could feel in my bones. His work is disorienting.
PSA: The Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders is a great research institution.
Really excited. I’m going to Sweden in May for a bit and it’s going to be a good time. (And of course, not all Sweden is Robyn, but this is a great song.) And with that break looming in the distance, it’s time to truly buckle down on a project about a girl named Kali. I’ve been ignoring her and she’ll kick my ass if I’m not done with what I’m working on by May. It is the season of Lent, and if you’re a nonpracticing masochist, it’s a good time to try to be a better person: floss, avoid twitter and tumblr because I’ve really been procrastinating, things like that.
Any recommendations for fun things to do in Sweden?
Just Kim
In the wake of Patti Smith and Just Kids, do you think that editors are calling Kim Gordon, every day, to ask her to write her own memoir? I also feel, strongly, that if Kim Gordon did her own version of L.C.D. Soundsystem’s “Losing My Edge,” it would be pretty epic.
It was fun to watch Gordon at Tom Tom Magazine’s Women in Media/Women in Music panel - the conversation must’ve felt to Gordon like her “Sacred Trickster” video. I would love to, at some point, go to a “Kim Gordon You Are The Coolest How?” panel, where she could talk about collaboration with Thurston and maintaining a relationship and stuff like that. It would be interesting. But what struck me about Gordon was that you got the idea that music was more of a side thing to her visual art, which makes sense. It’s what she was trained in.
She’s so beautiful, too. Cheekbones of glass. There’s something about her beauty that reminds me of Betty Draper. Maybe it’s the cheekbones and blondeness, the cool. Maybe it’s that she got out, she escaped, with the specter of a perfect wife and mother probably hanging over her head. The opposite of rock. I want to know more. She’s mysterious!
And Gordon did not pick up an instrument until 28. Nor did Patti Smith. And isn’t that fact inspiring?